January 01, 1990

What's With All The Penguins?

You might have detected a slight penguin theme going on around the 'blog. Not only are penguins evil, but I also use them to rate things.

Just because penguins are evil, it doesn't mean I dislike them in any way. I don't. I really rather like penguins. I think they are cute, wonderful creatures. But they are evil. Nothing wrong with being evil, it is just one aspect of their personality, part of what makes them special. The evidence? If you insist on having some, think on the following...

  • The penguin in the Wallace & Grommit cartoons

  • The Penguin in the Batman comics

  • The penguins in the up-coming film Madagascar

  • The penguins in the Honda 'Hate Something, Change Something' advert

  • The sign on the penguin cage at the zoo warning you they bite...

  • They just are, ok? I don't have to prove myself to you :P

Tell me more about the Penguin Rating System
I watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books, and I was casting around for some way to indicate my opinion of things one day, when I came across the little penguin gif I used to use on the Boards. The Penguin Rating System was born.

  • 1 Penguin - Only if there is nothing else and you are about to chew your arm off from boredom. Even then, think twice. I've heard that human-meat tastes a bit like pork. Goes well with ketchup.

  • 2 Penguins - Not bad but I wouldn't take it on a second, and definitely not a third, date.

  • 3 Penguins - Above average. Enjoyable. And didn't regret the money spent going to see it. If you see a copy going cheap, pick it up.

  • 4 Penguins - Damn good. A friend for life, and certainly shell out money to buy a copy. You'll want to see/read this again and again and again.

  • 5 Penguins - Fan-bloody-tastic. I don't give five penguins lightly. In fact, I can think of two films and only a handful of books that get five penguins. Very rare indeed.

  • There is also a Bob of Doom. Be very afraid of the Bob of Doom. Oh, and a half-penguin, for when something isn't quite one thing or another.

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